WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES & METRICS

Before starting I want you to think what your values of life are, yes define them to yourself.

So I got to realize that all our problems, our reaction to a particular situation, our emotions also are based on the values we have. I have gone through many examples, have read about it & also have experienced it personally. Here I am going to share two examples with you to convey my thoughts. I have read that in Mark Manson’s book.

So first story is of 1983, back then a very talented young guitarist was kicked out of his band. It was done just before the recording of their first album. They just gave him the ticket to go back to home without any warning. The guitarist was in doubt what was his fault, what he would do next,.. so much in head. But by the time he hit Los Angeles from New York from the bus, he made up his mind that he will start a new band. Also he had decided that he will make himself so famous that his old band will regret their decision. He imagined himself as the most popular musician.

Sounding over confident or highly imaginative?

But you know what he gave his soul to the music. He searched for the best musicians, made a new band, practiced rigorously for months. And in a few years his band signed a deal, a record deal. They became so famous, travelled the world many times. Over 25 Million albums of his band were sold out.

The guitarist name is Dave Mustaine, you can search it over and the legendary heavy-metal band is Megadeath. Also if you haven’t know much, you must have heard the name of the band.

Going back to the band which had kicked Dave out, it was Metallica, and it has sold over 180 Million albums… Yes. The best rock band.

After all the success and fame Mustaine consider himself a failure because he wanted that his previous band members feel regret of kicking him out. He always compared his success with Metallica. He was angry and wanted to be better than Metallica. This thinking has made him successful but also he tortured himself throughout. That was his metric being better than Metallica.

Do you feel pity for the condition of Mustaine after being so successful, he is not happy?

Let’s move to the next story & it is also about a musician, a drummer, who also had kicked out from his group. He was considered the best-looking of his group and he was the most professional one. He had  a steady relationship & he wasn’t into any drugs. Many people wanted to be the face of the band but his group members ditched him. His name was Pete Best, and just before three days of recording the first album, he was fired. Replacement was done and the Beatles band performed well.

But Pete fell into deep depression, started drinking heavily, felt dejected. The coming years of 60’s were harsh for him as his music projects had failed, and lately he also attempted suicide.

But in an interview which was held in 1994 Best said, “I’m happier than I would have been with the Beatles.”  He didn’t end up like Mustaine. I am not saying in terms of popularity, well yes he didn’t become a superstar like him but in terms of mental satisfaction.

What he thought or how he did that.. His situation led him to meet his life partner, then after marriage having children he began to see his life from different perspective, he changed his values. He started to prioritize a loving family & simple life over the fame. No he didn’t stop performing. He got to play with some bands, kept on touring Europe and recording albums. Yeah fame was little or may be money also but what he earned meant so much more to him. He was happy alike Mustaine who was stressed over Metallica’s success.

So what these stories suggest that values & metrics play an important role in living life. According to Mark there are some shitty values which we should not carry. That are pleasure, material success, always being right, staying positive (yes). You know why these are bad values because they are non-controllable and socially destructive a well as superstitious. Well let’s take an example if you want to be popular in an event or life and that is your value, dude that is not in your control it. Pleasure is not cause of happiness, it is the effect.

Staying positive all the time can also turns into unhealthy part of life because if we deny the negative emotions, it leads to a bigger problem. You need to understand negative emotions are a call to action, when you feel them, you are supposed to do something. Positive emotions are on the other hand are rewards of taking that action. Happiness comes from solving your problems because problems are inevitable.

You may think what healthy values you may possess, these may be the honesty, loyalty, self-respect, innovation, standing up for oneself and others, curiosity, creativity etc. and all these are in your control, are reality based and constructive and surely make you more satisfied, more real, a little more sorted in this chaotic life.

Values are about the prioritization. So examine your values again, what you thought in starting, if those are healthy for you or not, change it if you feel need to do so, define your metrics carefully. It will be going to a slow and long process and not an easy one of course.

Don’t think after doing that there will be no problems :). Guys its life and there will be one or more problems till lifetime. The thing is you tend to solve your problems in different and easy way. So all the best for your life. Keep going.

–(Inspired by “The subtle art of not giving a Fuck” written by Mark Manson)

Share your thoughts about this, your understandings and values, so that we can grow together.